Belziat & the 3 Saints

The Onslaught Ends, The Party GTFO's

adventure log till’ i die, nigga,

After the party complete their mandatory 5 minute rest, and Erza bids his fond farewells to Maw #3724. Before they depart for the fountain, Byzair and Skjor sprout wings and fly off to deal with a new airborne foe heading for the town hall.

As the parties move to the middle of the town, they come upon the fountain, which is promptly consumed by a swarm of demons. The party engages and watches as Jamison is promptly snared and brought into the central rape-zone of the swarm.
Erza cant read his tome and is confused as to why his summons wont respond, instead he opts to make some nightmares erupt. But the demons don’t give a fuck because they love that shit, and also because Erza cant aim.
Aravir fires a firestorm arrow into his foot and lights himself and Greg on fire, because fuck you, Greg. the other arrow makes it there.
Foostus starts swinging his axe and drinks some life, and cuts some bitches.
Belial drops a mother-fucking anchor on the swarm, looks like they don’t give a fuck.
Alvin, makes a funny joke. (TomMAWrow, get it?) he mis-paints a bullseye.
Greg is a homo and starts kissing boys, like for real, he summons them and gives them chocolates in return for sexual favors. Fuckin’ Greg.
Jamison trys to escape the rape-zone, but the demons see him there, drinkin’ dat flask. He narrowly breaks the snare, but he’s still sitting in the capital of Sodomy-Ville.
Alvin makes Foostus race the arrow and that shit connects. Foostus is fucking drunk and misses like a town-drunk
Aravir is so handsome that the swarm cant handle that shit. Maybe he fires some firestorm arrows into it, but thats less important; note his long silvery locks of hair and his swarthy charm. Forget that he does 3 damage and lights Jamison on fire, but whatever; he’s too fucking handsome to give a fuck.
Erza misses, because he too is busy kissing boys, Also Jamison leaves Non-Consensual sex zone.
Foostus uses Tide of Blood!
It’s Less Than Super Effective!
Greg stops touching boys to heal our party. Note that he he does this begrudgingly.
Jamison rains some blows, it’s underwhelming.
The swarms wants some of dat dagron-born; and it has it’s way with him.
The swarm also sees how homosexual greg is and decides to purge him from this realm. They bring him into the bathing-suit-area-touching-zone.
Alvin prunes the swarm with some kind of eldrich magics.
Aravir remains relatively useless. He sits there pouting and ponders fey-stepping home to cry on his mothers lap.
Erza makes some nightmares erupt. Again, the demons don’t give a fuck.
Foostus rages out and crits like a boss. Props Doomhawk.

Look at this battery, its about as useful as Greg, which is to say it isn’t at all. Swear to god, if that bitch at steak n’ shake doesn’t give me half off tonight, ill end her.

Seight opts to be a hero and stay in the Non-Consensual sex zone, or maybe he just likes demons a lil’ too much. He bashes at the swarm from the inside.

The swarm continues to FSU, nearly consuming Greg at one point, before being felled by an Erza storm pillar.

The Crown Hunters proceed to the bar having slain their foe, and the party, minus Jamison and Aravir, follow and pass out at the inn. Aravir jumps on a roof and watches the barracks. Jamison opts to try and sleep in the stables again, making a stealth check.

Jamison is woken by the sound of his bad check, in the form of guards hitting him with a fine for trespassing. This minor, 50 gold fine, combined with Jamison’s incredible stupidity, spawn the most idiotic chase scene in the history of this campaign. The chase begins with Jamison kicking a hole in the wall, the chase ends with a clutch distraction by Aravir and Jamison jumping hiding in a hole.

Jamison emerges from his hole, and tries to sneak through town. He quickly realizes the “man smelling of horse-shit” description, narrows the search for him down pretty easily. He sneaks to the ocean by the docks and hops in. He nearly drowns after washing off his shit smell, only to be saved by Mick. After making a better bad joke to redeem his last attempt, he gives Jamison a disguise and informs him of impending danger. Tells him the party needs to get out of town fast, as “one of the Blood-Bound 13” is coming for them. Tells the he hasn’t been completely honest, and that they need to do him a favor. They need to proceed along the road to Oasis, and stop in Westford, find a man named Hawkins, and recite a phrase Jamison may or may not remember.

Around the same time Erza rises in his bath robes, and while strolling down to the bar to get his morning milk, he hears Byzair and Skjor talking to another man he does not recognize. The hears that the three are to keep the party in town for awhile, but should not interfere when the execution squad moves in to kill the Crynovians. The man seems especially fearful of interfering after mentioning that the executioners would be none other than Squad 12, “The Primal Terrors”. Erza proceeds to calmly get his milk, nodding to the Crown Hunters. As he gets to the stairs however, he shits himself and frantically runs to warn everyone of the impending danger.

Eventually everyone is in Seight’s room throwing out stupid plans and being reeeeal indecisive. Various good, bad, awful, somewhat ok plans were proposed. Leaving one at a time to avoid being followed, starting a fire in the inn and leaving the chaos, releasing the animals in the stables. The two Crown Hunters appear, having overheard the idiotic commotion, they warn the party to not disturb the town and that they should stay put. In the end, some bastard, half-cooked, dumb version of a combination of all plans emerges as Aravir feysteps to his wolf, and Jamison and Erza go outside to the stables. Erza mount the direwolf with Aravir who sets the stables ablaze with firestorm arrows, Jamison scares the horses away. Byzair and the third man, who Greg would recognize as the man who raped his shit in an alleyway, walk up to engage them. Skjor is blocking the stairway in the inn as a long and painful encounter beings.

Skjor begins the encounter by cutting through Seight, Belial, and Alvin. Jamison moves to attack Greg’s assailant, who announces himself as Alexander Flamberg. Byzair goes ice form and starts chucking icicles. Seight unexpected shield bashes Skor hard, and Foostus jumps out the window and crit Thunderhooves rages all over Byzair. He later rage strikes the shit out of him, effectively soloing him down to half health. When bloodied, the area around Byzair becomes painfully cold. Alexander ruins Jamisons day with a flurry of blows (not a Jamison flurry of blows…) and each of his gigantic sword swing releases a fire wave. Greg also “heroically” tumbles out the window to aid the party outside, but remarks, “God I like boys” as he lands prone, unable to aid shit.

Belial does some bashing Skjor into a room, and Alvin lands his Relentless Wounding, effectively rocking Skjor’s shit. Skjor flails his swords at Seight in protest. Greg healer’s mercy’s the shit out of the party outside. Foostus gets kited by Byzair, Alexander continues to FSU. Jamison gets up and may or may not have done things.

At somepoint later Belial finished off Skjor and Seight stumbled out of a window quite gracefully landing prone and taking some damage. Byzair ice nova’s Erza, the Maw, and Jamison, killing the Maw and reaching havoc. Byzair dies shortly after. Alexander does an all-around slash which cleaves through the party and throws out a massive fire wave. Greg takes this attack the worst, going down, almost completely dead with ongoing damage that leaves him with 1 turn or 1 more attack, to live. Alvin heroically heal checks the Greg, fuckin’ Greg, back up, having to substitute one of having to use one of his surges because Greg, fuckin’ Greg, was out. In a last ditch effort, Alexander flies into high into the air, and comes down on Seight dealing the most amount of damage that has come from an enemy so far, instantly downing Seight. Alexander goes down to a Greg Scared Flame, and what followed was a most joyous puke as Greg finally got revenge for his alleyway non-consensual sex extravaganza.

The party loots, Wyvernscale Armor, A Cloak of Survival +2, and An Amulet of Life +2, and 3000g. They get the hell out of town without further incident.

BONUS XP

Alvin – Riding on Seight’s back +25xp. Total: 25xp.

Aravir – An awesome half-adventure log +100xp, Helping Jamison +25xp, Getting shit moving (albeit, with an awful plan) +25xp. Total: 150xp

Erza – “Can I get some of that milk?” +50xp, The entire second morning’s RP (waltzing around in bath-wizard’s-robes, freaking out, etc.) +100xp. Total: 150xp.

Foostus – Descending farther into drug addiction +50xp. Total:50xp.

Jamison – Sleeping in the stables, and the ensuing stupidity +75xp, Good RP +25xp. Total: 100xp.

Seight – Clogging drain to the rape-zone like a good tank +50xp, Having a half-decent exist strategy (even if it got ignored) +25xp. Total: 75xp.

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