Belziat & the 3 Saints

Lets make three plans, do neither, go to sleep. Then repeat.

The party spends 3 days traveling to Rhinefast on their recon mission (during which Alvin re-specs and buys a camel), Foostus forages for food to feed both himself and Jamison.

Jamison heads to the Aristocrat, Foostus to the Tankard and Plow, Greg follows Jamison to babysit, while Alvin tries to barter with the stable-master but fails, paying double to stable his camel, Camel.

Aravir speaks to a military-man (a commoner actually) about something (about who’s in charge in Rhinefast). Jamison meets his brother Merrick and the two walk with each other to WE’ll Getcha Drunk. The party meets up there and Jamison and his brother exchange pleasantries and Merrick offers his help to the recon task. The discussion is getting heated (Aravir plans to drug Merrick, Alvin finally agrees to help and is given information on the guard patrols and the men in charge) and people are getting suspicious, and Seight, Jamison, and Foostus realize there are guards coming down the street that seem interested in entering the bar.

Aravir, Alvin, and Greg stay with Merrick to hide in the bar from the town guard. Jamison, Foostus, Seight, and Belial leave the bar in search of somewhere to hide. (Foostus gets confronted by the town guards, but kinda talks his way out of it.)

(Alvin, Aravir, and Greg are lead through a hidden passage in the basment of WGYD. They emerge in a house that Merrick is presumably staying in. They are told they can stay the night, and Aravir then pitches a plan to gather info. He’ll forge a writ to get in to the prison and gather info on the prisoners. Merrick offers him some stolen guards armor, bearing the alias of “Marty”)

The brutes/Belial head to the Tankard to stay the night, and in the morning go to the last place they saw the rest of their party in WGD. Alvin and Greg head to the enchanter looking for a holy symbol, in lieu of the proper funds Greg bluffs the enchanter into believing that camel innards can be quite handy for enchanting, and looks to Alvin.

Aravir forges a writ to get into jail. He walks through the jail, and talks to the (rebel) prisoners who he learns are near the wall adjacent to the city hall. (He tries to cut a deal for the prisoners aid, by smuggling them some of their equipment, which he found out is upstairs. He goes up stairs to find a mess hall with a few soldiers eating. With a diplomacy crit, he finds out which door the prisoners’ weapons are behind.) He then ends up with some halfings and gets away through city hall.

Greg, Foostus, and Jamison go to city hall to talk to Spandame under the pretense of being independent contractors. Greg speaks with Spandame’s secretary and finds out about how this week is super busy for Spandame and about an incredibly important meeting the next day. Greg arranges a meeting for the day after tomorrow with Spandame and memorizes a map on the way out.

Then Aravir does something (trys to camp and watch for Spandame’s return) while no one else does anything, no clue what. After that, Jamison pretends that he left his axe at city hall to try to get back in and see what was going on in this meeting. Aravir then buys a grapling hook and a glass cutter, becoming: THE DARK KNIGHT. Jamison then puts on the “Marty” armor and gets inside the jail. He gets into room 7 and hears about Spandame ziplining in through a window and learns that people do not respect Spandame very much. While Jamison’s still inside, Aravir goes and talks to some dude (Iratha) about the dark w00d.

Group decides to do it live. Greg is quietly upset.

Aravir and Merrick take out the wall’s guard successfully. Everyone makes it up the scaffolding and onto the wall. The group walks along the wall and finds a room with five people, and the group sneak attacks the men. They all die before any of them even get a turn. Then everyone ziplines (With varying degrees of sucess) back into room 7 in the jail. Through the door in room 7, the group finds a room with tables and three guards, we kill two of them before the third runs to the kitchen to yell that there are intruders. After we kill the third guy, a human with a halberd, and 4 dwarves with crossbows pop out of the kitchen. Merrick pops his daily and tries smoke the yellow dwarf, unfortunately he crit fails, and nothing happens because “Merrick’s useless.” Justin whispers “Split the Tree” as he goes outside to party. Foostus uses whirling rend on three dwarves and scores himself a triple kill. After the encounter, Merrick goes to release the prisoners, and he leaves us.

Then we search the room that had the halflings, and we find nothing. We go to the next room and find a room with 6 regular guards and 2 dragonborn guards. Foostus crit fails a daily… We kill all these guards, and call it a night.

Bonus XP

Alvin – Doing most of the negotiating -125xp. [125xp total]

Aravir – Asking who was in charge right away -25xp, Jail recon -125xp, “Hey man, I’m an Eladrin too! HEY!” -25xp. [175xp total]

Belial – “Split the tree!” -3xp. [3xp total]

Foostus – I can hunt for food on my own [kinda] -25xp, “Quick” thinking to ditch the guards -25xp, FSUing in combat -25xp. [75xp total]

Greg – Posing as a builder and being a smooth talker -100xp, “I swear, camel innards, BEST enchanter’s materials” -25xp. [125xp total]

Jamison – First bit of Adventure Log -25xp, “Jamison’s been in jail before, lets just go” -50xp, Jamison’s recon adventure -50xp. [125xp total]

Seight – Thinking to keep watch -50xp, Struggling with the zipline 25xp. [75xp total]

ALE Crashes The Meeting, The Plot Thickens
"Looks Like this Meeting's Been, Canceled"

Everyone is stoked about getting another action point!!

Looking at the door that leads to the town hall, ALE, begins once again to think way to much. (N20) Aravir stealth opens the door so hard that the door disappears, without a sound. Looking down the hallway he sees a few doors and a dwarf and an eladrin heading down the hallway. Jamison isn’t the stealthiest “chap”. Aravir, fearful of Tarasque, hesitates to open anything. Aravir hears papers shuffling in the first room he checks. The team urges him stealth open a door. (26) The second room contained beds and a couch. Shortly after a fuck ton (7) people came from the first room that was checked. a dragonborn runs to the door that ALE is hiding by, and fire breaths the team, followed by a swing at Greg (1) flailing like a boss. Greg lays down because it looked comfy. Same follows with Seight, Foostus and Aravir. coming out of the room are 3 people wearing Blue robes with hoods up. One of which blows a lightning blast hitting a lot and dazing the party. The other 2 launch magic missiles at Aravir, because they are so cool.

Encounter begins:
Dragon born hits Alvin. Foostus is so not longer dazed. Lightning boy does lightning stuff and hits Seight. Aravar is getting missiled a lot. Aravir teleporting back to the room, fires at the Dragonborn. Greg shines his light on the bloodied people and heals them GOOD! Seight breaths and hits everyone but one of the halberd soldiers. Then takes defensive stance. Alvin moves back and so does Jamison, followed by a spinning sweep that misses like a ballerina. Dragonborn swinging at Belial hits. Foostus pressing strikes the dragonborn blooding him. Hooded people fire thunder hitting all including the dragonborn.
Belial missed again. The 4 halberds swing at Seight, all miss, because Seight is awesome and stuff. Greg staying on the ground, debuffs the dragonborn. Seights hits people. Alivin paints the bullseye, NOT! Action points and tries again, hitting. Dragonborn is now dazed, prone, not loving life right now. Jamison says, “I’m gonna hit him”. Cleaving the drgaonborns head off. Aravir misses. Foostus hits 2 for damage blooding them. Lightning boys do stuff hitting people hitting Seight.
Belial, SUCKED. The enemy swings at Seight and Foostus. Criting, Aravir puts out the soldier’s left eye. Seight drops his axe at the feet of the man in front of him. Foostus kills one and then hits another. Taking Jamison’s hit, the soldier is so scared like a champion, but still standing. Running into the fight, Foostus chopping at some clothies. " Fucking vagina lips." -Foostus. Belial hits someone a little. Arrow to the eye boy, once again takes a second crate to his remaining eye, and drops dead. Alvin yells “NEGRO” as Belial feels a lot better about life. . . .. . .Matt gets so sick of doing a detailed fight to the point were he just types this sentence: "the fight went on a few turns, Doomhawk rolls 3’s like they are old friends that havent seen each other in awhile, people were hit, people died, looting didn’t happen do to the press for time. " kills and Greg vomits. [Twitch is amazed Matt kept up a detailed fight that long.]

After encounter:
LOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finding a Crystal mail giving it to Jamison. Aravir hears a man sleeping, and locks the door stealthing to the door he cant hear anything, a spell known as Buorks Warded room, is magically sealing the door, and block all sound in or out. Alvin (20) stealth, followed by a (1) everything falls out of his bag. Alvin Tries to break the magical barrier, breaking the seal, Jamison and Foostus Kicks open a door open and two dwarves, two halflings, an eladrin archer and a human are standing there.

Greg- “Wait, so should I hide from the sight of this guy? Because I have a meeting with him tomorrow.”

Encounter begins:
Dwarf hits Jamison not doing to much damage. pissed about the hitting of him, Jamison takes a cool stance, drinks, and then hits like a cold truck!! Spandame makes his team do the hustle and they move about. Aravir shoots some people. Their archer ….. this fight sucks to write. I hate it. Jamison gets downed, his last word " PUSSIES". Seight punched the archer in the face for max damage breaking his nose. The encounter sucked for us, we won.

After Encounter:
Spandame wakes up after a healing check. Greg being good cop talks, talks to him, Jamison being bad cop, makes him piss himself. He tells of the King of Myren and Queen of Grond are passing through. He gives us lots of info. (They are bound for a meeting with Covost’s king in Agreia. They will pass through Rhinefast in 4 days, and be at Agreia, Covost’s capitol for a meeting in about 8 days. They are each traveling with 2-3 of their countries strongest soldiers and traveling incognito.) they have 2 or 3 of the best soldiers in the country with them. Seight asks about a dragonborn named Raidbeck and Spandame tells him that is the name of one of the guards with the King of Myren. Seight gets very quiet.

ALE looted the fuck out of the room, getting a lot of shit. and heard guards coming up the stairs, they run back to the jail, run into the back room and leave through roped zip-line.

After days of travel they reach the outskirts of town and they notice the usual town guards have been replaced by strange soldiers.

Bonus XP

Alvin – Breaking the magical barrier on the door -50xp, being the sensible one in the “We should totally ambush the King & Queen discussing” -50xp. [100xp total]

Aravir – Being the stealthy one -50xp, Thinking to lock the door -25xp, Having a moment with Irtha over his cute purple cloak -25xp. [100xp total]

Foostus – FSUing in combat (finally using thunder hooves rage, etc.) -50xp, Aggressively looting -25xp. [75xp total]

Greg – Being a conflicted pacifist (two crit Sacred Flames against dying targets) -25xp, “So I have a meeting with this guy tomorrow…” -100xp. Additionally I forgot to give you 50xp for finishing the adventure log well last time 50xp. [175xp total]

Jamison – Dishing out insults in the boss battle 25xp, Being in-character about wanting to kill Spandame -50xp, “Looks like the meeting’s been canceled” -50xp. [125xp total]

Seight – Adventure log -100xp, An adventure log is a sprint not a marathon (inb4 “I sprint marathons”) negative [-25xp], Asking about Vesayo, being disturbed by what you found out -50xp, having the idea to cover the unconscious enemies in alcohol -25xp. [150xp total]

Return to Belghast

Upon entering Belghast our party sees that foreign guards have taken up posts in in town, the party enters by going around through the forest. the party finds that the locals are less cheerful and that the bleeding eye’s HQ has been abandoned. Through the use of Alvins Ghost Sound, the party directs attention away from themselves before being directed to the Crossroads to meet up with Zaalbag. Zaalbag explains that the King’s Elite Hunters are looking for the party and that the Bleeding Eye has been forced to saunter among the common-folk. Zaalbag reveals that the party will be bait for a coming plan to sabotage the enemies effort; However they will need to eliminate a few higher-ups before the plan can be enacted.
Zaalbag has been able to find out several bits of information about them.

The Lieutenants:
Belami, the Geomancer
Mo’kar, the Green Beast
The Pitiless Melissa Chin
Grit, the Deadeye-Duelist

The party splits up to avoid suspicion, as the guards are searching for a large party.
A team of Alvin, Slieght, Belial, and Foostus move out to the forest in an effort to find the Geomancer. The party resolves to set up an ambush after finding his tracks pacing in a figure-eight. The party readies themselves for the ambush by hiding in various bits of brush as well as Alvin, who clambers to the top of a tree.

The Geomancer is not fooled. In his element, he easily picks out the party members and calls them out. Foostus reveals himself and charges to knock him prone, only to have the Geomancer roll away and root Foostus to the earth. Belial uses a kinetic trawl to break his earthen shield and drags him back to Foostus’ range. Seight turns and presses into the geomancer and manages to flank him. From his treetop abode Alvin looses a staggering shot that finds it’s mark. Foostus Thunder Hooves rages all over the place, but the geomancer still manages to slink away. The Geomancer reappears and summons a cyclone which pulls alvin from his treetop and knock Belial to his feet. Then proceeds to again, root Foostus. Sleight moseys up and critically strikes the geomancer with an unexpected shield-bash. Alvin finishes the party with a critical strike and puts the geomancer down. The party resolves to try and use their extra time to find Deadeye Duelist-Grit.

The second team, composed of Alvin, Greg, and Aravir move to try a nearby bar to attempt to poison the reportedly drunken, Pitiless Melissa Chin. They mingle in the bar and find her, Jamison stumbles through some conversation with her and finds out about a fight-club at the bar and she encouraged Jamison to enter. The team hatches a plan to have Jamison enter and defeat Melissa, all the while Greg is playing the “battle-medic” card and is healing Jamisons victims, Aravir; ever the complete pansy when it comes to one-on-one conflict, resigns to mingle and make bets. Jamison defeats all comers including Garr, a berserker, a gnomish monk – “the Iron Wind” and even Crazy Jim, the town drunk, who ends up being mortally wounded. Which Greg is forced to talk his way out of. Finally, Melissa enters the arena opposite Jamison. The battle begins with a dagger thrown into Jamisons’ chest, but the tide quickly turns. Jamison precedes to absolutely man-handle and control the fight. He knocks Melissa to the ground, pins her down and pummels her into a near coma. Jamison collects his prize money and Greg receives payment for his medical work, but not before administering poison to Melissa, sealing her fate. The team, content with completing their objective and pocketing a bunch of gold, calls it in for the night.

The first team however, finds the time to continue their endeavor to find Grit, whom they catch leaping across rooftops, after a botched ambush they proceed to engage him. However, he proves to be far too agile and proceeds to kite the party. Even after Seight hurls insults his way. He proceeds to double-crit Foostus; If i wrote that the fight started beforehand, i lied, the encounter begins now.

The party, frustrated, makes a few attempts to knock Grit to the ground, with no luck. Foostus leaps across the roofs heroically and proceeds to kill Grit, just before he can leap away. Foostus trys to throw the body into the river, but doesn’t quite eek it out and has to jump down and shove the body in. (by jump down, i mean fall down and eat it hard)
everyone retires for the night.

The plan is revealed to the party the next morning, and we find out that there is a mole within the Bleeding Eye. The party sells their wares, enters the old Bleeding Eye and loot like mad men before entering their battle formation.

Jamison gathers Zaalbag’s various literature, but first grabs some of Zaalbag’s "literature. He also finds his bag of holding in his desk and proceeds to full it with books, before heading to the armory.

Alvin looks for historically significant objects, identifying many key objects to the Bleeding Eye and The Commune in the commons and Zaalbag’s office, which he either grabs or tells people to grab. Then proceeds to the armory.

Seight checks around for weapons and armor, while playing packmule.

Belial does various arcana checks and finds too much to discern much of anything. He identifies the items the party finds.

Foostus also loots the armory and picks up some battle-axes.

Greg checks out the armory and finds nothing befitting of a pacifist, save some armor.

Aravir scopes out the training room and find some good items, then grabs some bows from the armory. He’s also remembers to grab Mora’s forging tools.

Bonus XP

Alvin – Finally making some use of Ghost Sound -5xp, Ambush on Belami -50xp, ‘Ambush’ on “Dead-Eye” Grit -50xp, Looking for and grabbing books/objects of historic importance -100xp. [205xp total]

Aravir – Gewd adventure log -125xp, “Helping” kill Chin (being afraid of 1v1 fights, then betting on fights like an opportunist) -50xp, Grabbing Mora’s forging tools -50xp. [225xp total]

Belial – Ambush on Belami -50xp, ‘Ambush’ on “Dead-Eye” Grit -50xp. [100xp total]

Foostus – Ambush on Belami -50xp, Crushing “Dead-Eye” Grit -50xp, Asking how big Chin’s tits were -25xp. [125xp total]

Greg – Your role in Chin’s assassination -125xp, Accidentally finishing off Crazy Jim, proceeding to vomit on him because of your pacifists oath, then having a good enough diplomacy to get out of the situation unscathed -50xp. [175xp total]

Jamison – Jamison’s quick & witty dialogue at the bar -25xp, Holding down and beating to near death a woman, and frail drunk old man is enough extra xp for you, you monster -0xp, Looking out for the commander’s literature 75xp. [100xp total]

Seight – Doing all the talking with Zaalbag -75xp, Ambush on Belami -50xp, ‘Ambush’ on “Dead-Eye” Grit -50xp. [175xp total]

Flight from Belghast
"You're really over-usisng the phrase 'shitstorm' today..."

The encounter in the Bleeding Eye begins as Mo’kar and some bros strut on in through the entrance. It begins as a standoff until Aravir fires a pair of shots at two heavily armored humans, hitting one of them. After that the gnomes moved up and gusted a few people out into the hallway and kept a cyclone spinning inside the corridor. The other gnome knocks Seight into the ceiling with a blast of air. The humans move up and hit, the double sword elf (rogue) hits Aravir, and Mo’kar commands them to tighten formation. Jamison then opts to grab the human’s dick and grab on for a while. Belial makes sure no one gets shifted around anymore. Alvin hollers at Jamison to smack that guy’s D. There’s a big clusterfuck of a fight in the doorway.


Aravir Fey Steps and knocks the gnome, breaking his concentration and relieving the party from the cyclone. Seight gets tossed up and down some more, hitting the ceiling before getting knocked to the ground. Jamison’s prey tries to get away but fails- even with the grapple, he manages to smack Mo’kar twice. He then swaps his grapple to the sword human (“old seight”) and gets some health back thanks to Greg’s astral seal. Foostus then runs up and smacks him. Alvin lets Foostus hit him again, and with that he buries an axe into his chest. Foostus, feeling really invigorated, runs forward and knocks the elf. Belial tries to force hammer the sword guy Jamison was holding, but fails miserably. Greg tosses out another Astral Seal.


Another rouge, soldier, and two archers appear!

Aravir slings an arrow at the gnome in the back, fucking him up a bit. Belial gets knocked down by the gnome with a blast of air, but Foostus avoids it. Three sword bros walk in the door to get at Foostus. Jamison then gets smacked by Mo’kar, but retaliates by sliding him into his old square. Foostus then steps on up to Vengeful Storm Rage- and proceeds to only hit one enemy. He takes a little more time to whirling frenzy- killing the elf with the swords, the sword soldier, and cutting into Mo’kar. Alvin spends his turn making Jamison finish off Mo’kar and rewarding him with heals. Belial force hammers the fuck out of half of the enemies, but forgets to sustain his immunity to forced movement shit. Seight ice breathed, but he only hits one dude. He then hacks and hews. Greg Astral Seals an archer.


Aravir twin strikes one of the gnomes, killing him. The other gnome decides to be an asshole and starts up that cyclone thing again. Everyone gets all up ons and smackses. Jamison walks on up and grapples an archer. Foostus walks on up, ready the wreck the same archer, easily bloodying him. Alvin uses commanders strike to make Foostus smack the archer again, yelling at him to “kiss [his] dick!” Belial force hammers a few bros. Seight attempts to kill the archer, barely succeeding. Greg heals Aravir (amongst many “fuck you, Greg!”s), Totally revitalizing him.


A wild gnome, elf archer, elf rogue, and swordy human appear!

Aravir tries to get out of the way, but runs short on ideas. He twin strikes another archer for decent chunk of damage, but doesn’t kill him. In the process, he gets slashed in the face. All the fighters get knocked down by a force arrow. Aravir gets into a little scuffle with the sword guy and the archer guy, getting crit for taking a shifty arrow. Jamison and Foostus have some fun charging and then Alvin lets Jamison finish a bitch off and heals Aravir. Then the new guys decide to really fuck with Foostus and Jamison. The rest of the group decides to really fuck with everyone, knocking bitches prone and bloodying the fuck out of nearly everyone. Seight ice breaths for a decent amount of damage and then unexpected shield bashes to mark everyone in the room. Greg then, reluctantly, decides to heal all his bloody allies.


Aravir kills the gnome that was moving everyone around. Jamison realizes he should start moving back and shifts into better position to get out. Foostus also has the same idea, taking an opportunity attack to get back. Alvin shoots a staggering shot and takes out one of the elves. Belial messes up an augmented force hammer. The new gnome puts out another big blast wind… thing. The party realizes how spread out they all are and begin to get worried. Jamison gets downed, but Greg picks him back up before fucking running.


Some more random baddies move in. Aravir takes advantage of Alvin’s action point advantages to move into better position and then fire a shot. He then yells “fuck it” as retreating into the room. Jamison moves on up to the entrance of the hallway, smacking him and then dragging him into the room. Foostus charges at the dude to attempt to kill him, but fails. Alvin moves in to shoot a massive arrow at the last gnome- he crits him and murders him, eliminating the zone. Then the new recruits move in on Belial and Foostus- Belial is flanked like all hell and goes down in the middle of the room, bleeding and bleeding. Seight, also stuck in the middle of the room with all those enemies, drinks from his flask and dragon breaths. He then attempts a brash strike (and misses) and moves back into the safety zone.


Aravir pops the guy Jamison dragged into the back corridor. He then backs into the safety zone and obscures the zone in nature growth. Foostis then attempts to kill the guy Jamison is holding down with his rage strike- and he crit fails, doing no damage and almost taking Jamison’s arm off. Alvin moves in to heal Belial (who is surrounded by 3 enemies) and then attempts to paint the bullseye on a few enemies to mess up their attack rolls. Pops his action point to do it again and then shifts into safety.

The bad guys hit Belial once and miss the second time. Then the other enemy charges at Seight. Belial then spends his turn teleporting into safety. Seight shifts back and comeback strikes for some health.


Aravir delays.

Foostus pressing strikes Seight in order to shift back and hopefully push him out of the way of some arrows- but instead he misses. Jamison decides to use his turn to drag Foostus into the room. Seight gets dragged closer by Belial- all while a big wave of enemies are pouring toward the room. The group prepares to be as far back as can be allowed.


Foostus and Jamison move into the safe zone. Seight gets hit by the oncoming wave by enemies and takes a minimal amount of damage. Belial pushes all the enemies out of the zone with a force punch. As the building collapses, Jamison yells “fuck you guys!” and gets some water in his mouth.

As everyone gets tossed into the water, they all attempt to swim to the top of the river. Everyone except for Belial and Seight swim fine- Jamison helps Belial back up easily. Foostus and Alvin dive back down to help Seight, crit failed and endurance check and past out, getting him halfway up before Foostus almost passes out. Jamison and Aravir dive back down with Alvin to finish the job. They then ride out on their horses (and camel).

After riding for a while, the group sees a Wyvern and a large flaming tiefling, believed to be the yet unseen, Captain Commander Grimfire, comes down behind them.

Aravir begins his fight by firing a lightning arrow at the wyvern- he hits him hard. Belial tosses an orb at him, knocking him out of the sky. Alvin misses his attack (Dave is a big fucking retard [Oh yeah man?]). The wyvern stings Talugahtolos. Somehow Seight gets dazed. A bunch of shit gets blasted by a blast of fire. Jamison attempts to grab the bro and fails. Seight falls off his horse attempting to attack the wyvern. Aravir moves up and blows his load attempting to kill the wyvern, Belial blows his load on the guy. Alvin doesn’t do fucking anything with his turn and heals Talugahtolos, who Greg refused to heal. The wyvern fucks shit up. Aravir fires another arrow at the wyvern and proclaims “I slayed a dragon!… sort of.” Seight looks at him in disgust. Then that faggot decides to shadowmeld or some shit. Everyone else sits around and does not much of anything- Jamison and Seight get on their prone-ass horses. Then he rains in a meteor and murders Jamison’s horse and damages a lot of other stuff. After that shitstorm Jamison runs up and grapples him.

Jamison miraculously figures out what the curse is that he laid on Aravir. He tries to shoot the guy but ends up shooting himself in the foot. Alvin takes his turn to heal himself and Talugahtolos again. Jamison takes his turn to toss him into the fire crater. Seight walks up to the crater and hits him for 13 damage. Foostis charges to him to do a decent chunk of damage. They all take a few swings at him in the hole but he doesn’t show much strain. The melee still take turns smacking him. They break his shield and he teleports and does fire damage- barely incapping Jamison. Alvin stays useless against a prone faggot.

He continues to explosively teleport when hit, and also continues to focus Aravir, smacking him with a brutal fire vulnerability curse (Jamison also miraculously knows about) and ongoing fire damage combo, bringing him to 2 HP. Talugahtolos soaked up all Alvin’s heals and is now semi-stable, Alvin move in for revenge firing arrows and commander strikes like its his job, (wait a minute…) with light rage when he misses. Greg ambles up on his still burning horse and heals Aravir. The melee fighters continue to hound Grimfire, until Seight struck by the Curse of Madness and begins periodically lashing out at his allies (just Foostus really) with rage.

Alvin lands a clutch paint the bullseye, and melee fighter gang-rape him to death, Foostus getting the killing blow, followed by a revenge Whirling Lunge at Seight.

Bonus XP

Alvin – Well written & detailed adventure log -125xp, Making damn sure Talugahtolos makes it through this alive -125xp. [250xp total]

Aravir – Generally maning-up in combat -50xp, Good use of your heavily obscured zone -50xp, Near singled-handedly taking down the wyvern ("Yay, I killed… of sorts…) & attempting to take its stinger -50xp. [150xp total]

Belial – Learning a valuable lesson about remembering to sustain your powers, making that encounter more for the DM and arguably more interesting -75xp, Near death experience/clutch escape -50xp, Telling the wyvern to get on your level (literally) -50xp. [175xp total]

Foostus – Managing to miss HARD with AoE while surrounded by 5 guys -50xp, “I gunna fucking Rage Strike” and the Rage Strike which followed -50xp, “I’m not leaving my fucking axe” -50xp, Whirling Lunging at Seight -25xp. [175xp total]

Greg – No fuck you Greg, 0xp.

Jamison – Using your new found superpower (dragging heavy objects) to save your team (Foostus, Seight) -50xp, DGAFing about Jamison Jr. (“Jamison doesn’t care about things.”) -50xp, Dragging Grimfire into his own flaming crater -50xp, Apparently having payed really good attention in “Evil Curses” class at the academy -50xp. [200xp total]

Seight – Nearly proving that drowning Seight is more effective than fighting Seight -50xp, Being careful not to let your horse die -25xp, Glaring at Aravir -75xp. [150xp total]

The Traitor & The Trials

The company finishes off Grimfire and his wyvern and attempts to see if any of his goodies are of use. Greg makes off with a crown and the party divides the rest. ALE continues to ride to the town and Jamison is forced to ride with someone due to the death of his horse, Jamison Jr. They reach Agria at about 5 pm and they are supposed to meet Zalbag at “The Urban Lumberjack”, Marshall’s new bar. They enter the bar and see that is still under construction and manage to find Zalbag. Jamison sits down at the bar (because he’s an alcoholic) and finds out there is no alcohol and is immediately sadface. Seight and Greg walk up to Zalbag, and Zalbag asks what they managed to take inside the old hideout. He’s impressed by the amount of stuff the group was able to take and allows everybody to keep one item. Greg tries to steal the bag of holding but Zalbag punches him and says bluntly “Fuck you Greg”. Aravir tries to do the same and his fate is the same as Greg’s. Zalbag reminds the company that someone is leaking information from the Bleeding Eye and it is imperative that they find out who it is. He informs the group they must interrogate each member of the clan and find out who the culprit is.

The company splits up and Group A heads to the slums to interrogate Argus, the fag they saved. Group A arrives at a bar called “The Iron Stomach” and spots Argus. Jamison feels at home with all of the shady characters and orders a drink because he is of no use for this discussion. The rest of the group starts talking with Argus. Argus tells them that his branch was almost destroyed by a traitor. He is suspicious of Weber and Grimm and is unable to keep track of their whereabouts. The group finds something off with his story. Jamison walks over to Seight and whispers into his ear that he’s horny. Seight is creeped out and they decide to leave once again and talk to the others. Jamison stays behind and will follow wherever Argus goes.

Group A (excluding Jamison) goes to talk to Mora. She says she ain’t the traitor and she thinks Grim is innocent and Argus is suspicious. She claims Weber is a pretty nice guy and is also innocent. She expresses interest in Aravir’s cock because he saved her tools from destruction.

Jamison attempts to follow Argus but is a bit too drunk to see him. He loses Argus many times but manages to find him every time. He pays many bums for the information and manages to lose 150 gold. Jamison finds Argus talking to a guard and sees that they start walking toward him. He manages to escape stealthily and meets up with Group A and B at The Urban Lumberjack. Argus meets up with Jamison at the bar and says he’s pretty sure Weber is the traitor.

Group B enters a bar called “The King’s Tap” and tries to find Weber. Greg sits down after yelling at the barkeep, like an asshole, and Weber appears next to him and also takes a seat. Aravir has a big vagina and orders a Smirnoff ice (1% alcohol). Weber insists that Argus is the traitor and tells the group that he’s going to do some more recon. He puts on his cloak and disappears into the night. They head to The Academies to interrogate Grimm. He seems shaky and nervous and definitely has been drinking for a while. He claims he doesn’t know who the traitor is because he’s a pussy. He finally shapes up and expresses suspicion of Argus. Aravir touches his cock and buys him another beer and stays behind to follow him while Greg and Foostus leave.

Aravir follows Grimm and notices he left a bar to go to another bar. Aravir sneaks and grabs a drink. He listens in on his discussion and realizes it’s pretty much just drunken talk. Grimm leaves an hour later and Aravir follows him into the Noble District and sees Grimm walk to two guards and start talking. The two guards grab Grimm and start walking further into the Noble District heading toward the castle. Grimm starts shaking wildly. Aravir steps up and attempts to take Grimm from the guards. He manages to carry Grimm back to The Urban Lumberjack where everyone is asleep.

In the morning Jamison tells Zalbag that Argus is the traitor. During the ribbon cutting ceremony Zalbag says he will say a codeword and everyone should rape Argus. They all proceed to the secret tunnel in the lumberjack and enter the commons area of the new Bleeding Eye establishment. Zalbag talks great things and that means it’s time to fuck shit up.

Aravir takes a shot at Argus and hits his dumbass for massive damage. Jamison takes two drinks and hits him also for massive damage. Alvin attempts to take a shot at him, but fails. Foostus takes a swing at him with his battle ax and kills him, and at the same time cuts the ribbon to the new Bleeding Eye base camp. Zalbag tells the company of their new task before they eavesdrop on the three king’s discussion. They are told to go to some island (the Great Southern Light, a lighthouse south of Agreia) to retrieve some log (so ALE can sail to the island of Shin Sekai if need be). By passing trials, the log keeper (The Sage of the Tower) will part with his log.

They arrive at the lighthouse and knock on the door. The door slowly opens. The group inquires about the log to the dude at the front desk. Everyone moves in to compete in the trials. They proceed through a door into an empty room with a headstone in the middle with door at the end. A man appears in the middle and he’s super pissed. He calls for his minions.

Aravir takes a shot at the big guy but one of his minions blocks it with his shield. The baddies move in and surround the group. They take their attacks and hit most of the group. Seight dragon breaths and takes down two minions. He attempts to kill some more but fails. Jamison also fails to kill anyone. Foostus lands an attack but cuts the the spirt in half, creating two. ALE realizes slashing and piercing damage are a bad idea. More baddies move up and hit Jamison, Aravir and Seight. Belial kills two peeps with a force hammer. Greg does his one thing (scared flame) and hits. Aravir fails to hit with his next move. The baddies move in and attack the group. Seight dragon breaths the shit out of the room and kills a lot of baddies. Foostus attempts to kill a dude but misses. Baddies move up and attack Seight. Greg does his sacred flame and kills a nigga. Aravir misses with his rock attack. Foostus hits him with his butt (ROFLMAO) and kills him. The group moves into another room.

In the middle of the next room lies some bitch (Attentia) who is elvish (an Eladrin). The group has to fight her cause she doesn’t want the group to see the powers behind the door (“dat bitch”). Aravir hits the bitch but the damage is distributed throughout the party. Jamison takes a hit on Seight which causes damage against dat bitch. Foostus also moves and hits Jamison and Seight which causes the bitch to go down on her knees asking for a raping. Dat bitch screams loud and stares at Seight and mind fucks the shit out of him. She also weakens half the party and slows them. Seight goes crazy and runs across the room. Belial hits every single one of his teammates and they take massive damage. With those hits, dat bitch screams and disappears. The group proceeds through the next door.

The group enters a room full of mirrors. The group solved the puzzle and then saved some cats. Game over.

Bonus XP

Everyone get 740xp for the things turned into the Bleeding Eye.

Alvin – Being the one who talks at your interrogations -50xp, Having a good, though mistaken idea about the Legion fight (shoot him in the heart) -25xp. [815xp total]

Aravir – Good interrogations -50xp, Tailing Grimm and saving him from the guards -100xp. [890xp total]

Belial – Playing lie detector -50xp. [790xp total]

Foostus – Good first time adventure log -125xp, Cutting the ribbon -50xp. [915xp total]

Greg – Playing lie detector -50xp, Figuring out the Legion fight’s trick first -50xp. [840xp total]

Jamison – Good RP during interrogation (Not saying much, drinking,getting impatient and trying intimidation, etc.) -50xp, Tailing Argus -75xp. [865xp total]

Seight – Also having good dialogue in the interrogations -50xp, Being damage sponge in the Attenia fight -50xp. [840xp total]

ALE Gains a New Member
"I may be a pacifist, but I'll still wreck you motherfucker"

The party waits for Greg, who is decidedly useless. However, they decide that until Foostus gets crit, the encounters wont even start. So we start anyway.

Coming off of the rush of rescuing kittens we rejoin the party being greeted by the sage. He reveals that the log is an item of interest to some burglars. As such, he lends the party the assistance of his apprentice, Erza.

The party progresses up the lift, and is greeted by two men with white hair and blood red eyes. Upon realizing the party is nearby, one man sprouts wings and takes to the air, while the other brandishes a draconic arm. Jamison questions whether or not a diplomacy check would be of use.

Aravir scrambles out and crits the hovering one quickly. While Alvin marks him as a target. Foostus rushes out with a goring charge and knocks him to the ground. Seight ambles out and bellows dragon-breath followed by a bull-charge to add insult to injury. Greg stumbles out but doesn’t have the range to make any attacks. Jamison charges out towards the unhindered foe, but is caught off guard by a swipe, as the man’s arm extends throwing off his attack.

He responds with a double claw attack at Seight, leaving him slowed, rom poison. He also follows through with a critical swipe at Jamison.

Our winged foe, leaps to the air, and unfurls a gust of fire towards our heros knocking them on their respective asses and whips a fireball right into Greg’s face. Aravir tries to capitalize, but ends up firing an arrow straight into the air like a town drunk after double crit failing, (effectively pulling a Foostus). Belial double-augment force hammers both of them, knocking them prone.

Erza in his prime-time debut, makes some nightmares erupt, its pretty hot. Aravir, sure-shots one , who has a brief panic-attack and almost goes bat-shit insane. After being calmed by his ally, he regains control. Alvin marks him and Foostus rushes in, getting critically struck on his charge in. The encounter starts.

Foostus pukes and Seight gives everyone eleven temp hit-points out of the goodness of his dragon-heart. Jamison ambles around and grabs our winged foe. Shortly after, Jamison has the venom ripped from his veins and all around feels like shit, forcing him to spend a turn sulking.

After Jamisons grip is effectively rendered useless, our winged enemy soars about twenty feet into the air, followed by the summoning of a wall of fire. Belial misses and Erza sends some Astral Wasps to do his bidding, and nonchalantly summons an abyssal maw.

Aravir shoots our friend up on the ceiling, Foostus Smacks a bitch with the keyword “titties” Seight calls a bitch out and forces him to eat some khopesh. Greg “isn’t such an asshole anymore” and Jamison stops spazzing out. Our winged friend flips the fuck out and throws fireballs at everybody save for Aravir, and Alvin who nimbly dodges it, Erza’s Abyssal Maw takes a bite and Aravir knocks the winged enemy out of the air.

Foostus waddles through the fire like a man and smacks the newly-prone winged-foe. Maw makes a good-effort but doesn’t quite connect. Greg throws out a heal and misses a seal. Jamison grappling strikes and pins him to the ground.

Across the room Seight is grabbed and pile-driven in front of a terrified Aravir. Elsewhere, Jamison’s grip is broken by flailing wings and Foostus strikes at him as he fly away, Erza summons a fire-warrior and Aravir slays the airborne enemy. Alvin lodges an arrow right into the final enemy that leaves him hurting. Foostus mills around the wall of fire and charges in and dodges a swipe while puking on the way in.

The remaining enemy leaps across the room transforms fully into a demon, and mourns the loss of his friend Burgess, and whirls around striking everyone nearby. He then remembers that Aravir was the tool of his buddies demise, latches claws into him, and whips him straight into Greg, nearly killing greg. The Maw seeks revenge, and finds purchase in its endeavor. The Fire-Warrior also connects an attack. Aravir stumbles away and trades missed attacks with the monster. Alvin puts another arrow into the monster, giving everyone a plus ten to damage. Foostus pulls on his action pants and smacks the monster.

Greg heals himself and Jamison and the monster throws another shit-storm. effectively negating Greg’s healing on himself. Belial connects with psionic force and Erza finds his beloved Maw immobilized. Aravir looses two arrows into him, and Alvin save Greg from the inevitable “butt-raping”. Foostus delivers the killing blow.

We find that our foes were named Armand and Burgess, they both carried black identification cards, as well as both having a symbol on their armor that nobody can identify with any checks. The bodies are found to be human, but have demonic and draconic influences. The party packs up and heads back to the capital. Erza is forced through the trials much to everyones amusement, and passes it without worry, much to everyones chagrin.

The next day, Greg bluffs Seight, whom turns on Jamison after a ghost sound compliments of Erza. Jamison comes clean and is challenged to a drinking contest by Seight.

Mora and Weber set up drinks and the contest between Jamison, Weber and Seight begins, after five flagons everyone looks pretty good and a few more people join in as Weber falls over. Erzas unseen servants try to bring him more ale but his immense inebriation cant make any use of it, as he drops out.

After a special mug from Marshall 1st place goes to Seight, 2nd to Jamison, and 3rd to Grimm. Seight tries to scalp Jamison or something but his drunken slurring confuses Erza’s unseen servants, resulting in them bringing him a bowl as opposed to a knife, he proceeds to break on the floor. After this those three are forced to retire out of drunkenness.

The remaining group tries recon to find out more about the meeting. Foostus crits on a streetwise check to find out there is a bar in the noble district where a few guards are known to frequent. They proceed to the bar and wait for someone to come in, Greg goes to the bathroom…fucking Greg. Alvin gets kicked out, by the bartender who is apparently not fond of gnomes, and chooses to go out and hangout with camel. Foostus chills at the bar all day and fails to actually say anything to the bar babe he’s checking out for 4 hours. Alvin notices some palace guards come in and they all sit inside and try and meld with the wenches. Aravir talks to one wench and bribes her to find out information from the guards. They find out her name is Lucy and she is a fat beast. She comes back saying the guards are pigs and they bribe her more to convince the guards to head upstairs into a trap set for them to ambush. Aravir listens into the room as the man undresses and Lucy, the beast wench, knocks softly for them to ambush. Aravir bursts in and aims his bow straight at the guard’s nude packages and tells him “Not a Fucking word motherfucker”, but to no avail. Greg then comes in and says “I may be a pacifist but I’ll still wreck you motherfucker” with a crit intimidate check. He shits all over. Belial asks him about the exact time of the meeting and the patrols of the guards in the sector. He draws a map of the patrols and the meetingplace. They proceed to then surprise round the naked man in the room. Two arrows and two kinetic trawl and he is dismembered. They stuff his body parts in the dresser, take his armor and leave. Foostus gets his nut with the barmaid despite Greg trying to tell him the plan. They try and get another wench and while they argue the guard gets up and walks out. The group follows him out of the bar and attempts to ambush him in an alley. Foostus, after lasting 2 minutes, shows up downstairs and proceeds to drink more.

Out in the alley Belial kinetically shoves the drunken guard into a wall five times and Alvin forces him to submit, he intimidates information out of him in his drunken sobs and afterwards administers a drought of forgetfulness.

The next day, the group splits into two, One to infiltrate the caste walls with stealth, and the other to sneak in using stolen and re-forged guards armor, compliments of Mora.

The first team, in palace guard armor, makes their way in without much trouble, thanks to Glib Limerick, Greg talks their way in and they position themselves in prime position on their balcony,

Second team, clambers their way in, and sets their trap. Upon entering Aravir drops one immediately and Foostus rages out on some unlucky bastard. Erza taunts one onto a blast-patch, and Foostus cuts through one and steps through another. Jamison dodges a few attacks and jacks them in their jaws for missing. The party clears the rest of them out and moves on to their balcony.

Both teams are in position on the balconies and the meeting is set to start…

Bonus XP

Alvin – Getting booted out of the bar and snuggling with Telugatolos -50xp, Being 5 times as intimidating as you are tall -50xp. [100xp total]

Aravir – Good adventure log -125xp, Chatting up the wenches -75xp. [200xp total]

Belial – Asking all the right questions/being the brains in the interrogation -150xp, Yanking the guard into the alleyway and raping him -50xp. [200xp total]

Erza – Dealing with learning the character well -75xp, Destroying the trial of hidden knowledge -100xp, Being the catalyst of infighting/ a massive drinking contest -125xp. [300xp total]

Foostus – Puking everywhere -25xp, Being the awkward minotaur at the bar -50xp, Getting your nut, despite the others’ plan -75xp. [150xp total]

Greg – Coming clean (kinda) about what happened to Crazy Jim -50xp, Being a fucking intimidating pacifist -75xp, Bluffing your way through the defenses -75xp. [200xp total]

Jamison – Adventure Log assist -50xp, Coming clean about what happened to Crazy Jim -50xp. [100xp]

Seight – Valiantly defending the chicken -5xp, Challenging and beating Jamison at his own game -100xp, Getting up and wandering to find Vesayo -50xp. [155xp total]

The Flight, A Reunion, and Farewells
"And we sail off into the sunset"

Our party picks up where we left off. Everyone made it to their balconieszz. The glass ceiling is discussed. The party sees cloaked men below. Seight’s arm begins to burn, indicating that his long, lost brother lies below. The king of the country speaks of an alliance between the kingdoms; a war to stop a war. The war shall rage for 3 months or until the nobles only account for 5% of the population again (they’re currently at 12-15%). Queen Maria, shifting her massive girth, has a troubling thought. Her pathetic, woman mind thinks that the beasts, currently controlled by the Kings, will break free and roam the land unchecked, killing at will. The smart men think she is stupid because she is. They make a remark about the Bleeding Eye and then Seight’s brother looks in his direction and his arm burns. Foostus sees a female minotaur and falls in love, then falls out of love because she is fat. The two parties begin to head out as quickly as possible.

The large, female minotaur traps the stealth group and declares that she plans to kill them all. She is dual wielding mauls in her identical hands (a left and right, not a left, left combo). Seight’s brother corners the bluff group and begins to assault the party with attacks. He waves his hands around and ice stalactites come down from the ceiling and push the party back (minus Seight) and set up a one-one-one battle. Aravir attacks first, and attempts to sling a frost arrow the minotaur’s way in order to slow her down. Despite his weak damage, he hits and she is slowed. Seight’s brother explodes a whole-mess-o’-shit with a bunch of fire. The majority of the party is slowed. A ball of ice is flung at Seight and is a successful strike. Turns out a certain overactive imagination made this guy way too fucking powerful. Seight’s brother also slams down on the ground and causes icy patches to cover the ground, shitting on everyones plans. The female minotaur yells for guards after advancing on the group. Jamison gets the fuck out. Alvin attempts to cut through the ice. Urza (or Erza as he is known) puts down a Storm Pillar and his Maw, champion of everything, to block the hall way. Seight falls in front of his brother but still manages to get an attack off. The minotaur realizes that Urza has blocked the hall way and cuts the party off. The bluff party attempts to cut through the ice. Jamison sprints towards the exit (as Aravir has already bailed on the the party). He slides everyone out of the way with ‘everybody move’ and makes it to the door, but can’t get through it.

Seight gets ran through with an ice spike, with reference to FF8 (plus 10 DM points) and then he gets impaled again taking 50 points of damage in a single attack. Seight calls out his brother for being a douchebag. Greg (fucking Greg) does 2 damage to the ice. Urza attempts to disguise himself as more guards flood the area. The bluff party decides to try and run through the adjacent rooms in order to get to Seight quickly. Jamison flees the battle and the remaining forces corner Foostus. Foostus manages to make it out of the battle before shit gets real. Urza’s trick has worked and the guards think that he is one of them. Urza does some more crazy wizard tricks and makes his way towards the door safely. Seight pulls his brother towards him and the misses a bunch of times but in that struggle he breaks free of the ice. GFGreg attacks the ice some more, despite its incredible reflex defense. Seight’s brother shifts back and summons a dragon (thanks for thinking up this guy) and Seight falls down. Alvin crits the lock off of its chain, exploding it. In the room awaiting, the party (minus a down Seight) is Zalbag. GFG gets yelled at for not healing his party. Belial bursts into the room and attempts to confront Seight’s brother, but fails. A party of guards amass behind our heroes as Greg runs through the door containing the rest of his party, fear in his eyes. Zalbag portals into the room with Seight and slams into Seight’s brother, knocking him back and saving Seight from a chilly death. Zalbag tells Alvin to grab Seight and run. The party is filled with a sense that Zalbag will hold them all off. Alvin heals Seight, but doesn’t attempt to grab him, and then runs towards the door. Belial continues to pin him into the wall. Greg tops off Seight before he heads towards the exit as well. Zalbag continues generally badassry and lights his sword aflame before driving it into Seight’s brother. Seight’s bronamath pushes Zalbag back a bit. Seight rises and hears the sound of guards knifing through the ice behind him. He attempts to run towards the exit but he falls again on the ice. Zalbag grabs onto Seight’s brother as the melee continues. Seight hops back up and runs towards the exit again, but yet again we learn that ice is slippery. Guards flood the room, death seems to be inc. Alvin uses ghost sound to make the sound of cracking ice behind the guards in attempt to distract them before heeding out. Belial runs back towards his IRL brosef right as Zalbag shouts “get the fuck out” and teleports Seight’s brother out with him. Seight gets up and rolls some demon rolls on his way out, coating everything in ice. Then both Belial and Seight make it out.

Both parties make it out of the castle and GFG once again BLUFFS THE FUCK OUT OF SOMEONE (they may or may not have shit themselves). The bluff party makes it out safely. The stealth party attempts to make it out, but they get caught sliding back down the rope. The party stumbles, rumbles, bumbles, down the rope. Urza pulls his same tricky bullshit. Aravir splits the rope with an arrow causing the guards in pursuit to fall off the wall. The guards chase them down the alley ways. Jamison stumbles around, while everyone else with inferior athletics has no problem. Jamison eventually finds his feet and the entire party makes it out. The party mounts up and we continue hastily out of the city. At the end of the day, as the party makes camp, they realize that they are being followed. Urza puts down a skull watch in the morning and they see that it is a battalion that is following them. They decide to head south through the forest in order to try and lose them.

As they charge through the forest they see a woman whom is being chased by a group of nymphs. Our DM makes Foostus cry IRL over horse combat. The nymphs roll in and start clubbing Foostus’ horse. The mysterious woman continues to run towards the party, screaming. Urza summons his maw (which is pretty typical at this point) and he gets a bite in. Jamison rides in and gauntlets the nymph. Combat continues to rage in the forest. Foostus’ horse is downed in the fray. Alvin rides in and tries to command the maw to attack, but the maw does not understand him and instead vomits. More psychic terror is spread throughout the party as the battle continues (mind raping (just a bit)). The woman is scooped up on Aravir’s wolf as he plugs an arrow into a nymph. As the psychic terror is saved against, it spreads to the nearest person, which is terrible news. Foostus misses his rage….again. The nymphs begin to literally beat a dead horse, much to the demise of Foostus. The maw strikes again and nightmares are erupted. Jamison acrobatically leaps off of his horse and enters the fray, or at least tries to (a miss followed with a Twitch “…you got anything else?”). Seight is knocked down, but not before he gets a shield bash off. Alvin attempts to redeem the maw by having him race the arrow, but can’t land the arrow. Belial kills a nymph, which the party finds out ends the psychic damage to whomever they had it on. Another barrage of arrows slam into nymphs from Aravir. GFG stabs himself and heals Belial. Foostus appears from behind the tree, sprints around it, and then charges into the bigger pack of nymphs. GFG becomes the target of a nymphs rage as his horse gets pounded. The maw finally gets a successful attack in. Jamison is perpetually stunned. Seight starts slamming into nymphs and then ice breaths all of over them, slaying one and damaging two more in a display of skill. GFG’s horse is downed. The party begins to focus on the red whom has Alvin’s target pained on it. Arrows and maws slam into it. GFG heals his horse, remounts him, and rides back towards the party. Combat continues as blows are exchanged. Alvin dips dangerously low but gets a clutch heal off. GFG’s horse is downed again. Seight still can’t land a blow. Aravir fires an arrow into the red nymph, killing it. GFG sneaks around a heal and gets off a massive heal on Seight, like a boss. Foostus rages IRL and in game (well really only IRL), bloodying a nymph. Greg takes it as Jamison knocks green down. Belial circles back and slams into the blue and black nymphs in an attempt to save the healers. Aravir kills another nymph and GFG heals a large part of the party. Urza’s summoned dust devil runs into a pack of them…and…only hits Seight’s horse. Foostus rolls in and bloodies the blue nymph.

Combat continues as the party circles in on the last two nymphs. Belial dances around before slamming a nymph into another tree. Aravir rolls in and slams 42 damage into blue, killing it. The dust devil fails again (this will be remembered) and foostus rides in and slams the remaining nymph. Jamison slash the nymph, but doesn’t kill it. Seight remains stunned for what seems like the 100th round in a row. Alvin commanding strikes Foostus to kill this last bastard…and he crit fails. Aravir kills the last one, mopping up everything. It turns out that this woman was a succubus. Seight gets a hat that gives him even more will, so he stops getting fucking dominated/stunned.

We get to Ao Kaigan and make it to an inn. Mora and Zalbag died buying the party time, Zalbaag was killed by Seight’s brother. Suddenly the guards converge on the inn and we escape to the dock towards the ship. We find out from an old man walking down the pier that the island we are going to is full of nothing but “answers and trouble.” Alvin recognizes this man as the original leader of the commune, Rimuto Ravenhart, (who at this point in time should be roughly 550 years old) as we sail away…into the sunset…maybe…probably.

Ravenhart’s Exact Speech (For those who GAF):
“This country is about to become a living hell, and all this because one man is pulling all the strings. And until you find out who, there isn’t a damn thing you can do here. You kids try and enjoy your vacation, but take it from me, on that island, only two things are waiting for you, answers and trouble…”

Bonus XP

Alvin – Breaking the shit out of that lock -50xp, Straight sprinting away saying fuck everybody after the nymphs got at ya -50xp. [100xp total]

Aravir – Being the first out when shit hit the fan -50xp, Splitting the escape rope -50xp, Using the shroud to aid the escape through the city -50xp. [150xp total]

Belial – Staying back a bit help Seight out -50xp. [50xp total]

Erza – Extra good/long Adventure Log -150xp, Using fancy wizard tricks to escape (disguise, ghost sound, mage hand) -100xp. [250xp total]

Foostus – Sprinting past your teammates to escape the guards -50xp. [50xp total]

Greg – Bluffing the shit out of a guard -50xp, Saving your horse -50xp. [100xp total]

Jamison – Acting like a hardass then running then getting stopped by a door during the escape -50xp, Having a bit of a rough day of it (Falling down the rope, getting caught by guards, being stunned for half an encounter, etc.) -75xp. [125xp total]

Seight – Attempting really badass things vs Vesayo (albeit failing) -100xp, hanging out and drooling the who nymph fight -25xp, taking over Belial well (again) -50xp. [175xp total]

The Onslaught

Jamison just kinda wanders around town. Aravir descends gracefully from the roof, and sulks in the shadows like a little bitch (Fuck you greg). Aravir smells Jamison from around the corner, and they get together whilst still knowing nothing about the night before. Foostus keeps crying… Seight goes to the bar and sees some cloaked guys like the people he’s been dealing with. Jamison and Aravir head to the boat, with Aravir lagging behind the smelly bastard. They meet Mick down there. Mick eloquently insults how bad Jamison smells. Aravir tells Mick some bad jokes while Jamison goes to talk with/collect Erza. Seight sits down at a table in the bar, and sees that the cloaked person is someone who hasn’t been seen before. Foostus sits at the bar drinking. Jamison and gang come into the bar, and Greg tells Jamison not to act like he knows the four of us. Jamison fucks up telling everyone to act like they don’t know us. Then Greg explains last night to Jamison. The guy comes in to talk to Seight. They talk about some boring shit (Hey, fuck you Greg). Something, something initiative, or bloody-crown hunters (These men are Initiates in an order known as the Blood Crowned Hunters, or Crown Hunters for short). They enforce an organization or something (They are the enforcers for The Organization, and as such are the ones who defend villages against the Onslaught). Greg tells the guy he thinks their organization sucks. Seight makes up a story about how the other guys aren’t affiliated with us. Foostus looks for some drugs because he’s just “so sad.” He then buys 12 W0ndershrooms and 7 buffouts. Everyone prepares for the onslaught. Greg is traded for Foostus in a last minute deal.

The Onslaught
Left Wall: Seight, Alvin, Belial, and Foostus.
Belial knocks the rushed big asshole prone like a bitch. Belial gets hit by the swarm of bat demons, and gets RAPED. The guards shoot at the big guy, one of four hits… Demons rush the wall. Seight ice breaths and kills two minions (they explode and leave a cloud) and hits the big bitch for 11 damage and activates shield. Foostus goes in defense or whatever they call it. Alvin attempts to relentless wounding the big fuck and NAILS it dealing 15 damage. Red attacks Alvin with a swarm. The big guys climbs on up the wall and jumped behind some people. Belial takes out three minions. A guard takes out the last minion. Another guard shoots at red guy for 9 damage. Seight unexpected shield bashes the big guy for 34 damage. Foostus leaps at the big guy and gets hit by an opportunity attack and gets knocked down off the wall for an embarrassing amount of damage and then stands up. Alvin lands staggering shot against the big guy for 19 damage pushing him off the wall, into the field. Alvin got crit by the big ghey. Another magicky guy and another huge bitch shows up. New guy misses Belial. New big ghey moves up to be with his brethren. Original big guy jumps over the wall and then just looks menacing after falling down and getting back up. Belial does something vs boss man for 17 damage. Guard gets hit for 18 damage by some thing. Minions rush the wall. Seight killed a minion… yep, only one and hit the first big guy for 56 damage. Alvin tells Foostus to hit the big guy for 24 damage. Foostus also deals another 37 damage. Swarms hit Alvin to bloody him. A guy turned into a demon and swung with his “pain-blade.” Lotsa people take lotsa damage from some things. Not lookin so great over here… Foostus nearly attacks a guard, but he gets a second chance. Guy does 50 damage to big guy. Foostus gets smacked for 15 damage, but takes half damage and gets attack bonus or some shit. Seight gets hit by swarm and the big guy hits Seight too. Foostus: “Seight! Is our big guy bleeded??” Seight gets knocked down by the big guy, never mind, not quite. Boss takes 37 damage due to another jello crit. Foostus does some cute damage. Alvin does a thing with some stuff against the big bro, seemed to be pretty cool. Stuff happens. (Fuck you Greg)

Right Wall: Greg, Urza, Aravir, and Jamison.
Big asshole charges up to the gate. His iron gets turned right into glass by some hero cleric (Fuck you, Greg). Bat demons get thrown at Urza, but he dodges them like a champ. Erza makes a fuckin storm pillar. Aravir crit the big guy for 57 glorious damage and weakens him. Jamison activates bare-knuckle-rebuke, gets ready to maybe be useful at some point. Minions run toward the gate and surround the big fag. Guards attack minions, killing one and leaving one cloud. Greg gets devoured by a swarm of demons a little bit, and they hang around afterward. Big guy stomps over storm pillar for 16 damage. He then climbs up the gate, standing rather precariously at the top. He takes two swings at Jamison hitting twice, dealing 4 damage total. Greg lands denunciation on the big guy debuffing the fuck out of him. A guy kills two minions with fireballz. Erza casts “shock beetle swarm,” and takes down two minions and spawns a beetle that does shit. Aravir whacks the big guy for 53 damage, bloodying him. The big guy then releases a savage howl that makes near enemies super duper pissed. Jamison swings at the big guy, and he swings back for 12 damage, Jamison lands 13 damage and knocks him off the wall for zero damage. Woo. The guards try to crossbow the big boy, hit three out of their four shots dealing 20 damage. Red guy swarms at Greg for some more damage, more swarms… The guy throws fireballs at the big guy for 15 damage with 10 ongoing damage. Big guy gets back up the wall. More minions show up, as well as another big guy. Fuck. Puke green fires a guard, he takes 20 damage, has shit orbiting him. Big guy takes 10 fire damage. Aravir does 35 damage to the big guy. Jamison hits the big guy for 25 damage. Jamison then takes up the action pants and hits him again for 25 damage to finish that son of a bitch. Minions rush up again. Black guard gets downed buy stuff. Greg heroically astral seals the big guy. A guard turns out to be a demon, right next to Greg and other people. He then slashes and hits Greg for 20 damage. Aravir crits red for 40 damage. Jamison does 9 damage and knocks him prone (the big guy). A minion climbs a wall kinda. Greg crit stands up! Like a goddamn champion. (Fuck you Greg) Then gets knocked right back down :( Aravir hits guard/demon for 32 damage. Jamison grabs the big guy and does a little damage. Erza slays a minion. Fireballs at the big guy for 27 damage and puts him on fire. Greg crit stood up AGAIN. What an animal. Maw attacks. Jamison knocks the big guy prone. Stuff happens. Greg crit sacred flames the big guy, and then Aravir took him down.

Alvin – Actually dealing damage and helping strategize during combat +75xp, Remembering fade away +25xp. Total: 100xp

Aravir – Good RP in the city (hiding, staying away from jamison, etc.) +75xp, Telling bad jokes with Mick +50xp, Obliterating things in combat +25xp. Total: 150xp

Erza – Good RP +50xp, Funny imagery (Waking up with shit piled on you by Unseen Servants, Knocking over the Crown Hunter’s drink on him) +50xp, Making small talk with the Byzair +50xp. Subtotal: 150xp * 1.5 (underleveled bonus) = Total: 225xp

Foostus – Good RP being a sad sack +75xp, Buying a lot of drugs +75xp. Total: 150xp

Greg – Sort of in character adventure log with informativeness inversely proportional to time +125xp, Number of times I had to add “Fuck you Greg” to the adventure log, minus (5xp)x(5) = -25xp, Using the shit out of your telepathy +50xp. Total: 150xp

Jamison – Excellent RP (Parading about smelling of horseshit still thinking he’s the man, bathing in the fountain, funny dialog/imagery, etc.) +100xp, Acting on character knowledge +50xp, Helping a friend in need (by scoring him drugs) +50xp. Total: 200xp.

Seight – Good RP and continuing to be the one doing all the talking (Bluffing your ass off) +125xp, Operating under pressure (timed segments) +50xp. Total: 175xp.

The Onslaught Ends, The Party GTFO's

adventure log till’ i die, nigga,

After the party complete their mandatory 5 minute rest, and Erza bids his fond farewells to Maw #3724. Before they depart for the fountain, Byzair and Skjor sprout wings and fly off to deal with a new airborne foe heading for the town hall.

As the parties move to the middle of the town, they come upon the fountain, which is promptly consumed by a swarm of demons. The party engages and watches as Jamison is promptly snared and brought into the central rape-zone of the swarm.
Erza cant read his tome and is confused as to why his summons wont respond, instead he opts to make some nightmares erupt. But the demons don’t give a fuck because they love that shit, and also because Erza cant aim.
Aravir fires a firestorm arrow into his foot and lights himself and Greg on fire, because fuck you, Greg. the other arrow makes it there.
Foostus starts swinging his axe and drinks some life, and cuts some bitches.
Belial drops a mother-fucking anchor on the swarm, looks like they don’t give a fuck.
Alvin, makes a funny joke. (TomMAWrow, get it?) he mis-paints a bullseye.
Greg is a homo and starts kissing boys, like for real, he summons them and gives them chocolates in return for sexual favors. Fuckin’ Greg.
Jamison trys to escape the rape-zone, but the demons see him there, drinkin’ dat flask. He narrowly breaks the snare, but he’s still sitting in the capital of Sodomy-Ville.
Alvin makes Foostus race the arrow and that shit connects. Foostus is fucking drunk and misses like a town-drunk
Aravir is so handsome that the swarm cant handle that shit. Maybe he fires some firestorm arrows into it, but thats less important; note his long silvery locks of hair and his swarthy charm. Forget that he does 3 damage and lights Jamison on fire, but whatever; he’s too fucking handsome to give a fuck.
Erza misses, because he too is busy kissing boys, Also Jamison leaves Non-Consensual sex zone.
Foostus uses Tide of Blood!
It’s Less Than Super Effective!
Greg stops touching boys to heal our party. Note that he he does this begrudgingly.
Jamison rains some blows, it’s underwhelming.
The swarms wants some of dat dagron-born; and it has it’s way with him.
The swarm also sees how homosexual greg is and decides to purge him from this realm. They bring him into the bathing-suit-area-touching-zone.
Alvin prunes the swarm with some kind of eldrich magics.
Aravir remains relatively useless. He sits there pouting and ponders fey-stepping home to cry on his mothers lap.
Erza makes some nightmares erupt. Again, the demons don’t give a fuck.
Foostus rages out and crits like a boss. Props Doomhawk.

Look at this battery, its about as useful as Greg, which is to say it isn’t at all. Swear to god, if that bitch at steak n’ shake doesn’t give me half off tonight, ill end her.

Seight opts to be a hero and stay in the Non-Consensual sex zone, or maybe he just likes demons a lil’ too much. He bashes at the swarm from the inside.

The swarm continues to FSU, nearly consuming Greg at one point, before being felled by an Erza storm pillar.

The Crown Hunters proceed to the bar having slain their foe, and the party, minus Jamison and Aravir, follow and pass out at the inn. Aravir jumps on a roof and watches the barracks. Jamison opts to try and sleep in the stables again, making a stealth check.

Jamison is woken by the sound of his bad check, in the form of guards hitting him with a fine for trespassing. This minor, 50 gold fine, combined with Jamison’s incredible stupidity, spawn the most idiotic chase scene in the history of this campaign. The chase begins with Jamison kicking a hole in the wall, the chase ends with a clutch distraction by Aravir and Jamison jumping hiding in a hole.

Jamison emerges from his hole, and tries to sneak through town. He quickly realizes the “man smelling of horse-shit” description, narrows the search for him down pretty easily. He sneaks to the ocean by the docks and hops in. He nearly drowns after washing off his shit smell, only to be saved by Mick. After making a better bad joke to redeem his last attempt, he gives Jamison a disguise and informs him of impending danger. Tells him the party needs to get out of town fast, as “one of the Blood-Bound 13” is coming for them. Tells the he hasn’t been completely honest, and that they need to do him a favor. They need to proceed along the road to Oasis, and stop in Westford, find a man named Hawkins, and recite a phrase Jamison may or may not remember.

Around the same time Erza rises in his bath robes, and while strolling down to the bar to get his morning milk, he hears Byzair and Skjor talking to another man he does not recognize. The hears that the three are to keep the party in town for awhile, but should not interfere when the execution squad moves in to kill the Crynovians. The man seems especially fearful of interfering after mentioning that the executioners would be none other than Squad 12, “The Primal Terrors”. Erza proceeds to calmly get his milk, nodding to the Crown Hunters. As he gets to the stairs however, he shits himself and frantically runs to warn everyone of the impending danger.

Eventually everyone is in Seight’s room throwing out stupid plans and being reeeeal indecisive. Various good, bad, awful, somewhat ok plans were proposed. Leaving one at a time to avoid being followed, starting a fire in the inn and leaving the chaos, releasing the animals in the stables. The two Crown Hunters appear, having overheard the idiotic commotion, they warn the party to not disturb the town and that they should stay put. In the end, some bastard, half-cooked, dumb version of a combination of all plans emerges as Aravir feysteps to his wolf, and Jamison and Erza go outside to the stables. Erza mount the direwolf with Aravir who sets the stables ablaze with firestorm arrows, Jamison scares the horses away. Byzair and the third man, who Greg would recognize as the man who raped his shit in an alleyway, walk up to engage them. Skjor is blocking the stairway in the inn as a long and painful encounter beings.

Skjor begins the encounter by cutting through Seight, Belial, and Alvin. Jamison moves to attack Greg’s assailant, who announces himself as Alexander Flamberg. Byzair goes ice form and starts chucking icicles. Seight unexpected shield bashes Skor hard, and Foostus jumps out the window and crit Thunderhooves rages all over Byzair. He later rage strikes the shit out of him, effectively soloing him down to half health. When bloodied, the area around Byzair becomes painfully cold. Alexander ruins Jamisons day with a flurry of blows (not a Jamison flurry of blows…) and each of his gigantic sword swing releases a fire wave. Greg also “heroically” tumbles out the window to aid the party outside, but remarks, “God I like boys” as he lands prone, unable to aid shit.

Belial does some bashing Skjor into a room, and Alvin lands his Relentless Wounding, effectively rocking Skjor’s shit. Skjor flails his swords at Seight in protest. Greg healer’s mercy’s the shit out of the party outside. Foostus gets kited by Byzair, Alexander continues to FSU. Jamison gets up and may or may not have done things.

At somepoint later Belial finished off Skjor and Seight stumbled out of a window quite gracefully landing prone and taking some damage. Byzair ice nova’s Erza, the Maw, and Jamison, killing the Maw and reaching havoc. Byzair dies shortly after. Alexander does an all-around slash which cleaves through the party and throws out a massive fire wave. Greg takes this attack the worst, going down, almost completely dead with ongoing damage that leaves him with 1 turn or 1 more attack, to live. Alvin heroically heal checks the Greg, fuckin’ Greg, back up, having to substitute one of having to use one of his surges because Greg, fuckin’ Greg, was out. In a last ditch effort, Alexander flies into high into the air, and comes down on Seight dealing the most amount of damage that has come from an enemy so far, instantly downing Seight. Alexander goes down to a Greg Scared Flame, and what followed was a most joyous puke as Greg finally got revenge for his alleyway non-consensual sex extravaganza.

The party loots, Wyvernscale Armor, A Cloak of Survival +2, and An Amulet of Life +2, and 3000g. They get the hell out of town without further incident.


Alvin – Riding on Seight’s back +25xp. Total: 25xp.

Aravir – An awesome half-adventure log +100xp, Helping Jamison +25xp, Getting shit moving (albeit, with an awful plan) +25xp. Total: 150xp

Erza – “Can I get some of that milk?” +50xp, The entire second morning’s RP (waltzing around in bath-wizard’s-robes, freaking out, etc.) +100xp. Total: 150xp.

Foostus – Descending farther into drug addiction +50xp. Total:50xp.

Jamison – Sleeping in the stables, and the ensuing stupidity +75xp, Good RP +25xp. Total: 100xp.

Seight – Clogging drain to the rape-zone like a good tank +50xp, Having a half-decent exist strategy (even if it got ignored) +25xp. Total: 75xp.

The Party Arrives in Westford
Would the Real Hawkins Please Stand Up?

The group forages onto Westford. For whatever reason, the party senses people are following them a few days back. They see that the town is triangular and that the guards patrolling the walls are heavily armored. They spend a while just trolling around figuring out what’s going on in this thread. Jamison goes to the inn and figures out that the next onslaught is in a week. Alvin hops on Seight’s back (with Belial in tow) and they find a guy who’s wandering the town willing to talk. After lots of really creepy innuendo, they find out he’s the “town informant.” They creepily go down into his basement, which happens to be a well-furnished basement. They get the information (they find a Measter Hawkins, a slumlord, that fits Alvin’s “kick-ass” description) after Alvin agrees to be the info vendor’s (Veris) pet for the night.

In the other side of town, Jamison finds of a Jack Hawkins, a guy who trains guards and wields a great-axe. He thanks the guy that gave him the info and then talks to the bar wenches. He hires all three of the women to keep him company for the night.

Foostus passes out in a shitty inn in the slums for 5 gold pieces.

Greg tries healing people until he kills a man, pukes everywhere, hides the body, and happens to get into the same room as Foostus. He does manage to heal Foostus in the night and Foostus repays him by trying to attack him when he wakes up.

Alvin helps Veris’ black cousin get laid by formulating a great story and then sits at the bar with Belial and and Seight.

Aravir trances on top of a building in the slums disguised as a human and has to run away from two guards running after him with clubs. He has to pop phasestep to get away.


Seight, Belial, Alvin try to analyze the map to try to figure out what they should do to track down their Hawkins. They meet Jamison who debriefs them about Jack Hawkins, but he also gets the time they need to leave incorrect. They decide to split the party to check into the different Hawkinses- It’s Belial, Jamison, Foostus, Greg and Seight and Alvin in two separate parties.

Seight and Alvin eventually find the Big bald dude in the bar they thought he would be in. Seight eventually buys him a drink and talks to him enough to know that he wasn’t the droid they were looking for.

The other big party goes to the barracks to try to get to the other Hawkins. They find he can’t be actively reached, so they leave a message. A guard comes in around an hour to come get Jamison to bring him and the party in. He talks pretty nonchalantly to them- we don’t know his angle. He explains the The Blood-Bound Thirteen- they are made up of 26 individuals, in pairs, spread across Shin Sekai. They are the best bet to defend against the onslaught. They are the strongest 26 people on the island. One of them is after us for some reason. THe card from the dark horse guy carries a card with their symbol. We don’t know the purpose other than that the dark horse means they are trying to become part of the Bloodbound 13. They count up from 13 in the ascending order. We defeated two of them in the tower that one time. Squad 12 is pursuing us- known as the Primal Terrors.

Hawkins wants to capture one of the members or The Organization operators, by the name of Galadus, to figure out why they’re powerful. The Crown Hunters are the enforcers. The Operators are people that collect all that money, and are different entirely. He thinks the town can overthrow the sway of The Organization and they can defend against The Organization for at least a little while.

The group has to train guards in order to establish a cover and stuff.

Aravir goes Mano y Mano with the ranged squad captain and bests him at this hardest challenges, including shooting from one corner of the town to the other and playing a epic game of bowman.

The melee bros have a series of physical exercises; Jamison consistently eats shit. Seight and Foostus do well. They then fight waves of the guards to demonstrate their prowess. Seight wins, he just wins, defeating all the guards. With that he Foostus gain the right to train the troops.

Much Delayed Bonus XP

Alvin – Adventure Log +125xp, Being Veris’ pet, trying real hard to get his idiot brother laid +75xp. Total: 200xp

Aravir – Climbing shit for no reason and getting chased +50xp, Training the archers +100xp. Total: 175xp

Belial – Nothing you weren’t there Justin. Total: No, Fuck you.

Foostus – You are just a big drug addicted sad-sack huh buddy? +50xp, Training the troops +100xp. Total: 175xp

Greg – Trying to make money and failing +25xp, Being able to hide the body +75xp. Total: 100xp

Jamison – Good RP (Drinking and Whoring) +50xp, Finding Hawkins 125xp. Total: 175xp

Seight – Being the driving force behind half the Hawkins investigation +125xp, Training the troops +100xp. Total: 225xp


I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.